I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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