Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
