But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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