i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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