Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
