My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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