if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I deserve this hangover.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
