it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
