I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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