I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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