So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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