I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I supernannyed him into submission
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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