Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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