She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
