A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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