We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
