I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
