I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
