Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
