life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
