for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
