I can text with my tongue
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize