i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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