yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
