I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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