I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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