if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize