You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
