I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
