The best revenge is premature balding
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
