Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
