his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize