Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
