On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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