come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
