Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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