I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.