Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?