I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.