I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
