Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
