They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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