just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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