fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
