Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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