Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
