i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think my moral compass just broke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
