I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
