Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pants are for mortals
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
