so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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