Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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