oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dear god my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
