seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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