dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My ass is underappreciated
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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