so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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