we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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