can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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