bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
