Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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